I am in a vortex of obligation.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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