I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
