One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
