Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
