Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
