Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
