PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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