This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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