I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
