what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
