Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
