Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize