No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize