Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
