there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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