Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
