But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
