Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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