you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
