this beer tastes like vomit already
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
