I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
