I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
