so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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