I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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