I just made out with a guy for $7.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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