Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
