Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
