we have officially lost it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
