He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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