Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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