based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
