Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
