Small penises have feelings too.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
