Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
