Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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