Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
