youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
