there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
