I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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