I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
