i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
