Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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