therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
