well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize