It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
