im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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