the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
