Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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