Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize