wanna go halves on a baby?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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