first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
