Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
