dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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