I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
