I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
