Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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