I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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