First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
