I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
how drunk are you?
Several
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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