I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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