I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
People in love make me want to vomit
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
