The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
