I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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