96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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