My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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