Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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