Pappa wants mamma naked
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
