she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
