Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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