Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i drank out of a bidet.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
