You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
