She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
