im about as happy as oj after his trial
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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