the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
