She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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