i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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