This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
