He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
