I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
