Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wish my penis had a tongue
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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