Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
