Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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