girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well I just put wine in my tea
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need a beard to bite.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
