I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
