i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
