I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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