11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
